


A Dream

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam once dreamed of a live of normalcy. Graduate from Stanford, marry Jess, become a lawyer…but it was just a dream. Inspired be "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables.





	A Dream

_I dreamed a dream in times gone by, when hope was high and life worth living._

Sam sat out on the hood of the Impala as he stared up into the sky, wondering where it all went wrong.  Had it ever even gone right?  When he left for Stanford, he had dreamed things would turn out differently.  But look at where he is now…back in another crappy motel, hunting.  What happened to those dreams of his?  What happened to the hope of a better life?

_I dreamed, that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving._

He knew what happened to it…it died.  She died.  Sam’s eyes stung as he tried to fight back the tears.  Tried to fight back the memories.  But the assaulted his mind, taking up every free space until all he could see, or hear, or smell…was her.  When he closed his eyes, he would see her face.  He could feel her touch as she reached up and ruffled his hair, how she smelled after she got out of a shower, how her voice would whisper to him as they laid in bed…

_Then I was young and unafraid, and dreams were made and used and wasted._

He was foolish to dream it would never end.  He dreamed that he and Jess would be together forever.  Sam sighed as a couple tears fell and he reached down into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box.  He planned to give it to her, to present it to her, on graduation day.  Because all he wanted, all those dreams he dreamed, had her in it. 

_There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted._

He dreamed about what he would say when he got down on one knee.  He dreamed about how she would say yes, and he would pull her close and kiss her, telling her how much he loved her.  He dreamed about the house they would get.  A big kitchen, Jess loved to cook, and a study filled with books.  He dreamed about the kids they would have, how he would teach, and play with them, and love them…but…

_But the tigers come at night, with their voices soft as thunder, as they tear your hope apart and they turn your dream to shame._

The image flashed in front of his eyes and Sam flinched.  He brought his hands up to his ears as they started to ring.  His mind fought off the image, his heart began to break.  No…he didn’t want to remember that…anything but-  His mind went blank as the image of Jess, stuck to the ceiling, burning, dying.  He couldn’t saver her…he lost her.  He lost her, and all his dreams, all his hope…all his humanity.  It all went with her. 

_He slept a summer by my side.  He filled my days with endless wonder. He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came._

Jess was his escape, but now she was gone.  Sam put his hands together as he let the tears come.  His shoulders shook as he let out silent cries.  Cries for the woman he loved, cries for her own hopes and dreams.  Jess wanted to see and do so many things, and now she couldn’t.  And it was his fault.  If he hadn’t…if he had said something…

_And still I dream he'll come to me, that we will live the years together. But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather._

Sam closed his eyes as he did every night, and bowed his head in a silent prayer.  He prayed for Jess to come back, for the pain to go away.  To hold her, to love her, to eat her burnt lasagna one more time, to listen to her laugh one more time.  But he wouldn’t get that.  He didn’t deserve it.  He wasn’t good enough, wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t brave enough…he just wasn’t enough. 

_I had a dream my life would be, so different from this hell I'm living, so different now from what it seemed._

Sam let out a deep sigh as he wiped the tears away from his face.  Maybe he deserved this life?  He thought to himself.  Maybe living in this hell was his punishment.  Those dreams he had…maybe they were God trying to warn him.  Maybe if he had listened to it, not tried to be so damn normal, he would have the life he always wanted.  But he didn’t have that now. 

_Now life has killed the dream I dreamed._

The sun began to peak over the trees as Sam sat in silence, letting the pain and sorrow and depression and self-hatred seep into his muscles and heart.  He would never have that love again, he would never have Jess again.  It was only in his dreams that he would see her.  Those dreams that he clung to with every ounce of his will.  But the dreams weren’t enough…they were never enough. 


End file.
